Keeping my head up

So I got to the gym this morning at 5am with my mom.  We did the 30 minute workout circuit, then we tried to do some leg exercises, which was a total fail because the machines are just enough different from the other gym that I am not sure how to use them.  Then I did a couple minutes on the arc trainer.  I really like the arc trainer but I have to work up to a longer workout because it is a bit hard on the knees.  Nothing I can’t handle, since I stay at the glide level.  Actually tonight is the first night since I started working out where I don’t feel really sore, so I must be getting better at this working out thing!!

First day back at work after my vacation.  It wasn’t too bad.  I had to leave early for a dental appointment.  I got home early, and promptly fell asleep!!  I think it was a combination of getting back to work, my exercise and the tiredness of the Lyme.  I am sure it will be better as I go along.  I just need to get into a routine.  And Mom if you are reading this, I am FINE!!!  I PROMISE!!!  If I wasn’t fine I would not work out!!

Eating has been off.  I am so hungry!!  Not sure if it is the extra activity I am getting or if it because I wasn’t eating much for so long or what.  I have gained back a lot of the weight I lost.  Not all but some.  I really would like to keep some of it off!!  This is my main struggle right now.  Planning would help too.  I need to do more planning on the weekend so the weeknights are easier and less tempting to eat what I shouldn’t.  I need a routine.  I will get there.

Anyway, today was an ok day.

Oh, one thing I would like some advice on.  I am getting up at 4:30am to excercise with my mom.  I do 30-45 minutes of exercise.  What if anything should I eat before I go?  Half way through the 30 minute workout today I was ravenous, to the point of feeling sick.  I don’t want a full stomach, and I want to be able to eat a more substantial breakfast around 7ish, because I have a long morning until lunch.  Or should I be eating in a totally different manner??  Anyway, any advice would be great!!

Have a wonderful night!!

Not happy with my weight gain this week

but I refuse to allow it to derail me.  I think a portion of the weight gain this week was my body trying to regulate itself now that I am eating again.  I need to be careful of what I eat.  I will lose the weight again.  Plus I have been going to the gym and I think I am retaining some fluid on my knees.  That will go away too. 

 

So here is to a new week.  New possiblities.  I can do this!!  I am a capable person who can be successful!!! 

Happy 2012!!!!

The new year is here!!!  A fresh start, a blank slate.  So much opportunity!!  Hope to make the most of it!!

12/31/11…The end of another year

So I was just reading my post from a year ago with all of my resolutions and promises and laughed my ass off.  Like most of America I failed miserably at keeping my resolutions.

This has been a crazy, insane year.  But at the end of it I am probably at my best mentally and psychologically.  Oh, yes.  I have way more to do to get myself to even a semblance of normal.  But I am way better than I was last year this time.  I have identified my problems and am working diligently on my reaction to these problems.

Weight wise I am about the same as I was at the end of last year.  Which is not a success.  But things have been clicking lately and it seems to be going better.  Of course getting Lyme Disease has helped immensely.  But a new gym opened up right across the street from my house practically and it is super cheap so I joined and have been going sporadically, when I am not sick as a dog from the lyme.

So should I make new resolutions?  I don’t know.

I want to be healthy most of the time.  I want to be fiscally responsible most of the time.  I want to be nice most of the time.  I want to cherish my family and friends most of the time.

Is that good??

I don’t know.  But it is what I can do.  I am not perfect.  I am not going to pretend I am perfect.  I am not going to make all these lofty, impossible to maintain resolutions.  But if I can eat healthy and excercise the majority of the time, if I can be fiscally responsible the majority of the time and if I can be nice to my friends and family the majority of the time, well that would be better than I have done now.  So I guess that would be a succes.

Anyway.  Good bye 2011 and hell0 2012.

I need to get a freaking grip…and not a grip on food!!!

I right now weigh the most I HAVE EVER WEIGHED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!  That’s right!!  THE MOST EVER!!!!

I mindlessly eat myself sick on an almost daily basis.

My knees throb.  THROB!! And I have sharp pains in my knees from carrying around so much weight.

My clothes don’t fit well.  Can’t really find anything that does fit.  I am really limited.

I really need to get a handle on my eating.  It is so depressing, which of course leads me to eat more.  I eat for any reason under the sun.

I need to blog more, eat less and take better care of myself!!

Opinions by Polly

1. Ohio….WTF!!  What kind of law allows a person to have 56 wild animals…seriously wild animals!!!  Lions, tigers, bears…oh my!!  and to the people who thought that the animals should have been tranquilized.  PLEASE!!  What are law enforcement folks supposed to do when they have 56 WILD ANIMALS running loose in a residential neighborhood and the zoo officials are an hour away!!  Public safety was at risk.  The real losers in this drama are the animals, who should have been either in a zoo setting where they could receive care and have a safe place to live, or should have been in their natural habitat doing their thing.  It is a real loss, especially the endangered species.  Maybe now Ohio will wake up and get some laws in place to protect these animals, since it is obvious there is no common sense!!

2. Michael Jackson’s murder trial.  I really feel bad for Conrad Murray.  I think he was put in a bad place and now has to reap the consequences.  Michael Jackson was a DRUG ADDICT!!!  He misused medical equipment and was a FREAK!!  Yes, I love his music and think he was a genius.  But his actions have now doomed a man.  Even if Murray gets off he will have to deal with the Jackson clan, who are not wrapped tightly in the head, and the maniacal fans who think Jackson was a GOD.  He will be miserable.  If I was a medical professional and some celebrity wanted to hire me as their personal doctor I would run screaming in the opposite direction.  That only seems to lead down a path of destruction. 

3.  To the parents of that little girl who is missing…I hope she is dead so she does not  have to deal with you any more.  You know you are guilty.  It is a shame that people like you can procreate and the people who have love and caring in their hearts are denied. 

 

Feeling low

Not sure what is going on but I am feeling anxious and sad.  Actually I know exactly what is going on.  Unfortunately as much as I would like to share it all here I can’t.  Let’s just say that some old feelings and wounds are coming back to me.  And I have chosen to face them head on but it is gonna be ugly.  REAL UGLY!!  How I am and my relationships with certain people will not be the same.  And may not exist.  But I have been working hard on this goal for a long time.  I am being told that I am ready to take the next step.  But DAMN it is scary!!  And of course my mood affects everything else. Especially my eating.  But I have realized that my issue with following a plan to lose weight is really just my motivation.  There is no ulterior motive.  I have to decide not to be lazy.  So in a way that is a good thing, and a bad thing because I have nothing and no one to blame except for myself!  That kind of sucks.  But at least I know what I need to do and took steps toward that goal today.  I tracked on WW and was careful with my eating.  And I tracked every single thing that entered my mouth!!  YAY me!! 

Anyway, hopefully this other issue will get resolved soon.  But I think it is going to be a long road, and not a smooth one.  Sorry I can not share more.  Sending love to my family and friends.  Thanks for the support and you know who you are, and you are loved and appreciated EVERY DAY!!!

How did I get this girl??

Tomorrow is the first day of school.  Today my daughter went out with my mom and purchased hair accessories: clips, head bands.  She is going to do her hair every day.  She picked out her “cool” clothes for the first day.  She packed up her purse with all her goodies: hand sanitizer, lotion, chap stick, a little notebook, her address book.  How did I get a “girlie” girl?  I do the minimum to make my hair acceptable, I wear no jewelry other than my wedding and engagement rings.  I could care less about clothes as long as they are clean and fit.  I am the epitome of ungirlie!!  LOL!!  And yet I have a daughter who cares about her appearance and her status as “cool”.  Is this a good thing?  I am worried.  She is a good girl.  She is a smart girl.  Maybe I don’t need to worry. I did give her a lecture that she is to go to school to learn and not fool around.  She says she is going to pay attention.  I just feel like my sweet baby has become this fashionista!!  Tomorrow is going to be a rough day for me.  I need my little girl to stop growing up so much.  Soon she will be too cool to talk to me.  I can feel it.  I already do so many things wrong in her eyes.  I think this is going to be a long school year!!!  LOL!!

My test worked!!

So now I can include a link to my daily food report!!  The one in the test post is from today, 8/22/11!!

TEST

http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/nutrition_food_chart.asp?sidn=eLyyWMjjw++++++0MK%3CjlF++++++++&iMTGoalNum=23577596&dteDateShowing=8/22/2011&bGetElementByID=TRUE